Change Isn't Always Good!

This is a rant about chemistry. Actually it’s a rant about chemistry and progress. OK, it’s really a rant about progress which is ruining the natural order of things.

I’ve always loved fireworks. Every June I buy a nice assortment of these lovely incendiary devices and every July I launch them for the whole neighborhood to see. We’re talking about a tradition here. Being a chemist meant I understood many of the reactions taking place. Red explosions indicate the presence of strontium or lithium, green indicates barium, blue means copper, and yellow means sodium. (OK, so I’ve simplified it a bit). Of course this means that a fair amount of toxic compounds are being injected into the atmosphere, but really, is that too much of a price to pay for such wonderfully colorful explosions? Now researchers are trying to develop green (as in environmentally sound) fireworks . Instead of depending upon the energy released during the oxidation of carbon, these new fireworks depend upon the decomposition of metastable, nitrogen-rich compounds such as the tetrazoles and their derivatives (five-membered rings with four nitrogens and one carbon) and tetrazines (six-membered rings with four nitrogens and 2 carbons). They’ve succeeded in duplicating all the colors except for green.

These new-fangled fireworks leave me a little uneasy. Fireworks have always been in the domain of inorganic chemistry and, dammit, they should remain that way. Setting off fireworks which lack heavy metals is to invite anarchy. Keep your hands off my fireworks, organic chemists!
--------------------------------------------------------

I also love Suzy-Qs. Always have and always will. But over the years, Hostess has slowly been changing the Susy-Q recipe. Although I’m sure the drive to use less expensive ingredients has played its part in this travesty, the desire to make this combination of carbohydrates and fats appear less harmful has led to use of heart-healthy oils. (This misguided attempt to make Suzy-Qs more healthy is like trying to make a nuclear bomb more environmentally friendly.) I haven’t thought about this for years, but I was reminded of it while reading a rant over at the Bad Astronomy blog concerning the quality of Ho-Hos now that their trans-fats have been lowered to zero.

And while I’m on my soapbox, what the hell happened to good movie theatre popcorn? Ever since they replaced the coconut oil they were using, it hasn’t been worth eating. This is progress? Here’s an idea for you organic chemists. Develop a compound (nontoxic, please!) which smells just like popcorn popped in coconut oil and sell it to theatres or to makers of microwave popcorn. You will make a fortune.